Nami, you whore!
by lostcard
Summary: Luffy wants to be the King of Pimps and hopes to do so with his escort business "The StrawHOS". There's a ton of new clients, however they're all asking for the same girl: "Pussy Cat" Nami. Can Nami achieve this list or will someone have to slap a ho?


**The Client List**

Ever since Luffy was a little boy there was only one thing he wanted to be: the King of Pimps. He remembered going to the local tavern and seeing Pimp Master Shanks handle his hos all day long. They would be laughing, drinking, and rollin' in the cash. It was some baller ass shit, son! And from the very moment Pimp Master Shanks placed the pimpin' strawhat on his head, Luffy knew he had to be the Pimp King.

Sailing across East Blue and Grand Line, Luffy was picking his bitches up, one by one, until he finally had enough to start his escort business "The StrawHOS". Right away things was looking up. Yet he was still competing with two of the biggest pimps around. Sir Pimpin' Crocodile's "Barosluts Works-it" and Don Pimp Doflamingo's "The Pink Feather" were at the top of their game and fierce competitors. Gaining the position of "King of Pimps" was no fucking joke, every pimp was slappin their hos left and right to get the coveted title. Luffy knew he had to step up his game, accepting any client that came his way. The only problem was that most of them were only asking for one particular StrawHO.

"Pussy Cat Nami," shouted Luffy, propping his legs up onto his dark mahogany desk. "Get your fine ass in here."

Nami walked in wearing nothing but a short silky kimono. The black kimono had a tiger fighting a dragon embroidered on the back. It was so short it barely covered her thighs. Her messy bun and glowing skin clearly told Luffy that she had just came out of a bath. The pimp quietly gulped. He knew better than to disturb his Pussy Cat during bath time.

"What the hell do you want?" hissed Nami.

Luffy needed to get his pimp hand strong over the matter.

"Uh-uh, 'what the hell do you want' –what?"

Nami huffed as she crossed her arms across her busty chest.

"What the hell do you want, _Captain_?"

While most pimps preferred being called Master or Daddy, Luffy favored a more adventurous title.

"I have a list of your clients," said Captain Luffy, handing her a roll.

Nami's eyes bulged out of her skull as the scroll of paper rolled down onto the floor.

"Luffy you—"

"Uh-uh!"

"_Captain_, you have to be fucking kidding me! There's well over two hundred clients on this list!"

Luffy took a big bite out of the piece of meat sitting on his desk.

"So what? Is that a problem?"

Nami growled as she read down her long list.

"What the fuck? Monkey D Garp! What the hell is your grandpa doing on this list?"

"Gramps needs lovin' too! Don't worry, I already told him you don't accept family discounts."

"Damn straight! And am I reading this right? Is Ace on the list?"

"Hey! Have some respect for the dead, Nami!"

Nami gave herself a facepalm. Her pimp was an idiot.

"Oh my God, is this Shu-Shu? The dog from Orange Town?"

"All have you know that he has one of the most successful Pet Shops in East Blue!"

"No."

"Pussy Cat—"

"No animals, Captain. We've gone over this!"

"But there are some clients that are—"

"Zoan users are fine. They just have to be human to begin with."

Nami grabbed a pen off Luffy's desk and began crossing names off the list.

"Hey! What the hell are you doing?"

"There are clients on the list you cannot possibly expect me to go out with."

"Like who?"

"Oh I don't know…ARLONG?"

"Couldn't you find it in your heart to—"

A dark flaming aura surrounded Nami. Her eyes were beaming bright red.

"No Arlong, got it," assured Luffy, he could feel a giant sweat drop falling from his head. "Who else are you crossing off the list?"

"Well, Sanji is listed here about TWENTY-EIGHT times, I guess I can cross some of those off."

"Huh? How did he get on the list that many times? We don't allow it."

"He's going by his aliases. Black Leg, Mr. Prince, The Hunter…etc."

"Hmmmm, I need to get a new secretary. I wonder if Iceburg's 10 year-old secretary is available? Alright, who else?"

After hours of deliberation, the two had finally agreed to 50 potential clients "Pussy Cat" Nami would commit to. Luffy lit a cigar of satisfaction, grinning as he puffed clouds of smoke to the ceiling. Nami released her messy bun, scratching newly freed locks.

"Well this will be one hell of a year," sighed the orange haired vixen.

"Fuckin' right," shouted Luffy, slapping Nami's ass as she walked out of his office. "I will be the King of all Pimps!"

* * *

_XD OMG, ok…this has to be the most stupidest fics concepts I've thought of… or greatest, I don't know…we'll see. To be honest, I just wanted to write a fic about all the crack pairings I would like to see Nami with…and then I thought, "Man, I am such a pimp. Whoring Nami out to all these guys in One Piece." And then it dawn on me that __**I **__wouldn't be the pimp, __**Luffy **__would be the pimp :X_

_So yeah, I have an idea on who made the list…but I'm interested in hearing you guys ideas. Who should be Nami's clients? I love crack!pairings, so please feel free to give me tons of those ;D The rating should go up on this fic…I don't know. It depends on how kinky I want it to get. But I already have a strong feeling that what I have in mind will definitely require me to up on the rating to __**M**__ature. That's just a small heads up to those that decide to follow/not follow this fic. _

_Thanks everyone! Please review if you get the chance! I want to hear your Nami pairings! Pimp on BD_


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